Call Me — I Buy Cash Houses

Do you live in the Austin area? Do you have stacks of cash? Did you turn your stacks of cash into a dream home? Please call me - I am an interested buyer.

Do stacks of cash make up at least 95% of the walls and roof of your home? Is your home built on a foundation of rolls of quarters? Please call me - I am an up-and-coming real estate mogul looking to pay for cash houses. I will hire an appraiser to meet you on site and determine the amount of cash that makes up your home. I have cash and will buy your home from you.

Did you buy a fixer-upper but never fixed or upped? Did you stop once you realized your house was made of freshly minted American currency? Please call me - I'll pay for cash houses with cash. I will hire an appraiser and together the appraiser and I will make an offer on the spot. We will carpool so you don't have to worry about setting up two different appointments.

Have you had trouble counting the cash lining the walls of the home constructed out of your hard-earned money? Are you worried about the value of your cash home? Not to worry. Please call me - I will give my appraiser a call and we will arrange to meet you and find out the value of your home together. My appraiser and I will then make a same day offer and may consider meeting later to determine a better offer if need be. We will not need to meet at your cash house for our second meeting, we can accommodate you while we work together to find the value of your dollar-bill house. It may take up to an hour to come to a second offer if I am lucky. 

Are you worried about the condition of your cash-constructed abode? Has your dollar-bill roof begun to smell because of rain damage? Please call me - I will pay for cash houses in any condition. I will make an on-site visit with my appraiser to determine the smell and value of your cash home and will hand over new money to pay for your cash home. Please don't be worried - I will still be able to assess the smell of your cash home despite my appraiser's fragrant perfume. I have been to many house visits with my appraiser and never had any trouble determining the best value for the cash home. Do not be alarmed when I ask the appraiser to hold several stacks of cash for me to smell and evaluate. It is a normal part of the appraisal process. 

Looking to sell your cash house? Please call me - I buy cash houses after a short appraisal process.