The following is a write-up of a one man adaptation of 2 Fast 2 Furious I am planning on producing. This is being reposted here but can be found on other mediums around the web. I have only seen the movie once, years ago, so some of the facts and character names change throughout. That’s not a good reason for those things to happen, but here we are.
Tentative show poster, to be hung outside an unfortunate local theater.
The play opens on Bryan standing alone, just like he’ll be for the rest of the play because this is a one man play, after all. Bryan begins a monologue that ultimately lasts for the rest of the play (again, he’s the only one speaking for the rest of the play because he’s the only character on stage [it’s a one man play] [but this isn’t exactly true, there will be some voiceover work hopefully]). Bryan talks about how he got in on a bad deal selling or racing cars, he can’t remember which. Turns out he’s been in trouble for both, also for stealing cars and then also once for having an expired inspection sticker, but he “doesn’t really mess with that stuff anymore.” That last line is in quotes because it’s sort of a theme of the play, that Bryan is all about getting over his mistakes and also he’s into the phrase “mess with.” If there’s an adult audience he may also use the F word here and there, for flavor and character development. Bryan talks about how he wants to get better and make a shady deal with the cops to show he’s on their side now. He starts talking to someone off stage (after he walks to that side of the stage) and it is revealed that he’s talking to the cops and it just so happens they have a shady deal up their sleeve. Hilarity ensues as they both realize they are trying to get a shady deal in the books (or off the books, depending on which sounds better in rehearsal). The next part of the play involves Bryan tuning up his car, which he talks the audience through (because low budget = no actual car on stage). It’s not the fastest car on the market, but his natural ability to drive cars helps put him ahead of the pack. “I don’t really mess with the pack,” Bryan will say at one point, much to the chagrin of the audience who are listening for when he’ll say “mess with” next but have been lured into a false sense of security by his monologue. One of the things Bryan loves the most about his car is that it’s “ONE FAST” car, which Bryan says with emphasis and will pause for everyone to gasp as they think he’s about to say “ONE FAST ONE FURIOUS,” the name of the play. He doesn’t, though, and continues the monologue about how much loves his car. He describes what its like to run your hand along the side of it and how much it makes him miss his former love, Monica. She was so pretty, he says, just like my car is now after I’ve been working on it for my whole life (this will be important later when the car crashes [it provides a dramatic moment for the audience to reflect on lost loved ones]). Anyway, Bryan finishes explaining his love for his car, for driving, and for Maria, his former love. He makes his way across the stage when he’s approached by his mark (police code for the guy he’s supposed to nab doing something wrong). The mark’s name is Carter, and although Carter doesn’t ever come on stage (again, one man play), we know he’s bad because Bryan grimaces for the entire conversation he has with Carter. Turns out, Carter needs someone to run dirty cars back and forth across town. Hilarity ensues as Bryan and Carter discuss what the meaning of a “dirty car” is, and that Bryan loves clean cars but he gets what Carter means when he says “dirty car.” Again, Bryan is having one side of this conversation on stage but his context clues are good so the audience will be able to keep up. Bryan agrees to meet Carter later to discuss details, and then tells Carter he has a meeting with his former lover Marta. They sit down at a table for two (side note: there’s only one chair, for Bryan, and the audience is led to believe that Monica is sitting on the other side of the table [this happens in a lot of one man plays, I think]). Bryan begs for Maria back but she has had enough and he knows she is “ONE FURIOUS chick” he says with emphasis, the crowd again gasping as he says a part of the title of the play, and she may not want him back. She throws water in his face (Bryan does this on stage, because he’s the only one having the conversation) and hilarity ensues as the waiter (pantomimed by Bryan) pretends Bryan is at a water park (the local water park in the LA, where this play takes place, is a recurring joke for many of the characters Bryan encounters). Bryan runs after Maria as she storms out of the restaurant and asks her to take one last ride with him. Sitting on a chair in the center of stage (Maria agrees to take that one last ride) [the chair will act as his car for the rest of the play {budget}]), Bryan rides aggressively around the streets of LA, telling Martha that she’s the only one he’ll ever know and love and that she should come on this one last job with him (he doesn’t tell her about the shady deal with the cops to protect her [he really does love her]). She has pretty red hair, he says, and he and her can go out in a flame of glory. “I don’t really mess with flames,” Bryan pantomimes Monica saying, much to the enjoyment of the crowd. Carter calls Bryan on the cell phone and they have a conversation. Bryan explains to the audience that Carter has just realized that the dirty cars need to be delivered sooner rather than later (Bryan does several asides to the audience throughout the play) and that Bryan needs to do the job NOW. A clock can be heard ticking as Bryan realizes the time is counting down until he has to do this job and get Carter over to the police (secretly). Monica agrees to do this one last job on the condition that she never ever sees or loves Bryan again. This hurts Bryan’s feelings but he understands and agrees to go through with the job with Monica. Monica cries because she knows this might be the last time she sees Bryan but they’ve got a job to do so he speeds off. This starts Bryan’s key monologue. He stands on the middle of the stage and proclaims to the audience all the events that transpire in this one last job. As it turns out, the dirty cars that Carter needs delivered are actually Dirty and Bryan and his crew (their names are Roman, Teach, and Julian), along with Monica, and they need to wash them before they deliver the cars to the drug lord kingpin Carter. They get caught at the gas station washing the cars by the cops, who don’t know that Bryan is playing for their team, so to speak. Again, Bryan is describing this to the audience, none of this is happening on stage. Brian walks to the other side of the stage to illustrate that the crew gets past the cops and are ready to make the drop. The original cops (who know about Bryan’s shady deal) are waiting for him at the drop zone, where Carter is also waiting. Carter loves that the cars are clean but he soon finds that he is in the grips of a powerful cop (who was working with Bryan all along, much to the enjoyment of the audience who have also known all along). Carter puts up a big fight but ultimately the cops win with the help of Bryan, Roman, Jesus, Teacher, and Marta. Bryan closes out the play by explaining that Carter got charged for a lot more than he bargained for (because of past crimes) but strays away from making it an allegory for how bad the legal system is in the US (kind of messed up, if you ask me). The play closes with the lights on his car which is actually just a chair in this version of the play (oh yeah, I forgot that his car blows up in the big fight scene, which he explains and then asks the audience to reflect on their loved ones who they have lost). The car revs to life to signify that there is life after death (if you believe in that sort of thing) and that it will live to race another day. Lights fall on the stage as the audience applauds.